


In The Absence Of

by satellitesandstars (kythen)



Category: K-pop, Shinhwa
Genre: Character Study, Gen, M/M, more platonic than romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:59:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2800460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kythen/pseuds/satellitesandstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, you just can't fight loneliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Absence Of

Eric opens his mouth to speak and the four walls echo silence back at him. The faces on television flash by, their lips moving soundlessly as his fingers tap on the remote. There is a litterbox crammed into in a corner of the room, slightly askew as if turning away from him. Its contents are empty, always has been since six weeks ago.

He feels the cold wood under him and curls up into himself as tight as he can, trying to quash out that small, numb feeling growing right in the middle of him.

It is so lonely in here.

\---

When the six of them are together, Minwoo once said, they light up. But when they break apart and he is alone, Eric finds himself nothing but a shadow. He had never realised that ten years was enough to do that to someone, to erase all traces of an individual and replace them with a mere part of a whole.

Nobody sees him anymore as he stands at the front of train gates or sits silently behind the ticketing desk. He misses the other parts of him, distant figures unreachable through his television. He calls them but he can't feel them through the distance that separates them. Junjin stops answering his calls and he gets desperate, calling the others in circles, first Minwoo, then Andy, Dongwan and lastly Hyesung and repeat.

He fills music players with their songs and puts them on loop, fed to him through the IV tube of his headset, blocking out the sounds of outside world as he sifts through their voices. If he concentrates hard enough, it is as if they are talking to him, speaking their lyrics to him. He replies them with raps, mouthing them out word by word and smiles to himself as they break out in chorus.

"Let's meet up." he types out carefully on his phone as he plugs his music player into the wall and waits for it to charge.

When he wakes up the next morning, the music player is fully charged and there are no new messages on his phone. He pulls his knees up to his chest and buries his head between them, blinking away the darkness until his alarm rings and he gets up for work.

Sometimes, he wonders if people die from loneliness because it hurts so much.

\---

One day in the never-ending loop of his existence, the cycle breaks. Eric leaves his apartment as usual, his hand lingering on his door lock. When he passes through the glass doors of his apartment block and into the car park, there is a faint tingling on the back of his neck that makes him look up sharply.

Hyesung freezes as his gaze falls on him and Eric doesn't know what to do either. Surprisingly, it is Hyesung who speaks first.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, his voice raised in astonishment.

"I live here." replies Eric, his voice hoarse from disuse.

Hyesung looks completely shell-shocked, and Eric feels something within him crack.

"Well, I live here too—“

"Why didn't you reply my messages?" Eric cuts in, his voice overlapping with Hyesung's, as they did countless times on stage, melody and rap blending together in song.

Hyesung breaks eye contact, scrutinising the grey concrete under the feet. "I did."

"You stopped. Why?"

Hyesung's breath hitches in his throat and he looks anywhere but at Eric.

_Don't leave me. Not you too please,_ is what floods Eric's head but all that comes out is a raspy, "Tell me. Please."

Something in his voice strikes a chord in the other man and Hyesung looks up, his gaze careful and searching as he meets Eric's eyes for a fleeting second. It has been ten years since they first met, all six of them in one training room, where they were told that they would be Shinhwa from that day onwards. Ten years. That is how long they have been together and although there is a fragmented space between Eric and Hyesung that does not quite exist between the other members, it is enough. He knows when Hyesung's defences come crumbling down and Hyesung knows when to let them fall.

"I don't know. It just... happened when we got separated. There's just been so much going on in our own lives that I think along the way I started to lose track." Hyesung admits with a tinge of guilt. "What happened to you, Eric?" He adds, softly and sadly and so full of the love they have built up as Shinhwa over the past years that Eric falls forward towards him, hands outstretched.

His arms wrap around Hyesung's waist stubbornly and his fingers interlock, trapping the other man within his grasp. He buries his face into the warmth of his neck and breathes.

"Don't leave me." Eric says, "Please don't leave me alone."

With just the two of them, it wouldn't be enough to create that bright blaze of light called Shinhwa, but it was enough to light a spark. He needed that, desperately, so that he could still exist and not fade into the faceless masses of those who were forgotten.

"God, when did you become so needy?" Hyesung replies, but he doesn't push Eric away as he always does and his arms go up awkwardly around Eric's shoulders, his warm hands flat on Eric's back.

"I've always been like this." Eric mumbles into his shoulder. "Selfish and needy, don't you know that?"

"Yes yes." Hyesung replies placatingly and his hand goes up to pat Eric’s head like he would do to any other member.

They stand like that for a while, Eric's arms tightening around Hyesung until Hyesung finally hits him over the head and tells him to let go. Eric compiles, suddenly feeling empty and lost until Hyesung grabs him by the arm and tows him towards the elevator of the neighbouring apartment block. When they reach Hyesung's apartment, he taps out the key code and opens the door with more force than necessary, shoving Eric into the open doorway.

"What are you waiting for? Get in." Hyesung says abrasively, but there is a slight colour to his cheeks that isn't from annoyance.

"But I have work today. Now." Eric argues, but it sounds weak even to himself.

All he gets is a scathing look from Hyesung. "Frankly, you look like shit and I don't see you going to work and returning back alive in that state. If you don't get in now, I'm shutting the door."

Eric squeezes him tightly in a hug once more before stepping into Hyesung's house, and for the first time since they went their separate ways, he can feel himself again.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back in 2012, when Shinhwa came back after a very long hiatus and I was a new fan. Now it's 2014 and I'm really excited for their comeback in January!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
